Dylan Sepulveda
Despite what you might have heard, Dylan Sepulveda is not, nor has he ever been, a 2004 Ford Taurus. I know you must have heard him go on about how great his fuel economy is, but do not believe his tomfoolery, Dylan has never been an affordable family sedan from the pre recession era. Do not believe him when he talks about how he's a great choice for commuters and first time car owners, Dylan is not for sale, because Dylan is not a 2004 Ford Taurus. "But what about his headlights? Why does he have headlights if he's not a car?" You fool. You absolute buffoon. You have fallen for a charlatan. Those are merely two flashlights taped to the side of his head. Pay no mind to Dylan Sepulveda's antics. Ignore him trying to do burnouts in lot 6, or making engine noises as he runs up and down the hallways of the social sciences building. Tell me this, if Dylan was a 2004 Ford Taurus why would they let him indoors? Checkmate.